A little lost, a little found, but it's okay...

Approaching the end of the year. A hard year in many ways for work/economy. A good year though for continuing to re-imagine life, religion, the world I find myself in. The joy of being part of the story of a friend coming out of over a decade of homelessness is among my favorite gifts this year. The saving it is doing to my soul is beyond the supposed "saving" of assenting to polished sets of beliefs or exclusive creeds, detached from actual living with and among real people. Substance and action have taken a greater place on my radar for living over against holding on to "my beliefs" this last year. And life has been all the better for it. And I think our God is still smiling...

I am grateful for several authors who have given me "permission" to explore beyond the dogmas which silently corralled parts of life, soul and journey from being pleasantly soiled by human scent, struggle and commonality.

I have not found a comfortable place in faith community, only some places which bother me "less". And that's is okay. If I found one....I would certainly be the "bother"! It isn't about, or shouldn't be about what suits me, or how I can get my weekly dose of spiritual energy the way I want it...but about about how to be with one another in a way that is helpful in becoming who we are...or are trying to be...in a way that betters the world we touch daily...and the world far away which we are inextricably connected to. So....yeah, a little lost I feel, a little disconnected. But for now I would not trade it for what I had before....and I hope that I find more people who wish to dusty their feet with me.

Some thoughts and prayers along the journey...

As I continue on the journey which extends from the original post/comments I made on this blog...I am finding myself in a place which is beautiful, wide open, deeper in love and less certain about less important things. I am loving building relationships with "the other", those outside my old christian walls, and I am feeling like I am more in the center of where Jesus would hang out [and of course he would be in trouble...ruining his reputation with some]

I've detached from so much and it feels so good to be looking at my "christian life/culture/principles" from the outside. It was/is so easy for me to be myopic, exclusive, certain and unintentionally dogmatic, with an aroma of judgment and non-love. And there are/were so many trappings and cliches which are so distracting and sidestepping spiritual honesty. And so much fear and superstition...so much busyness and consumer driven narratives...so little raw, honest, lip-biting trust and connection to ALL people and the earth we are to steward.

To deeply listen, care, spend time and money and life on another...without an agenda other than Love feels right and good. Love needs no acvertisement to say it is Love...it is obvious when it is in the "room". The need to advertise is an indicator that there is not much substance or essence to permeate the space in which I live.....for me that spells "clanging gong...noisy cymbal" St. Paul - 1 Corinthians 13

Let my life be like a love song to all sorts of people and to the creation I am to care for and honor. Especially, I pray for freedom from cynicism and a critical aroma toward that which I am being freed from. And to never believe that any person or system is all bad or all good...but to honor and hold the truth and beauty in each and every corner of created people and things, while disowning or transforming that which is part of the empire/power/destruction narrative or kingdom.

May I always remember, that I myself, at my best, am a mix of hypocricies and paradoxes...and only a choice away from the darker trail which I hate...but love sometimes.

Hold me...and help me to hold others...along the way of renewing and restoring